Thursday 30 April 2009

Final Nail In Jacqui Smith's Coffin

Ms Smith was in the firing line today for failing to grasp the scale of the threat of defeat. A setback on an opposition motion is almost unprecedented.

As the prospect of defeat loomed, the Home Secretary made two last-minute concessions - a block on deporting 200 Gurkhas and a shake-up of the rules before the summer recess.

But her compromise was not sent out until after 3pm, when the debate was drawing to a close and when many Labour MPs were away from their computers.

Graham Stringer, a Labour backbencher, said the concessions answered '85 to 90 per cent' of his concerns, but said the email arrived too late to stop the rebellion's momentum.

He said: 'If it had come 48 hours earlier, this wouldn’t have happened.'

Daily Mail

Fears of Hamageddon in UK

Aporkalypse_now.pngBritain's struggling farmers fear they could be facing an "Aporkalypse" in sales because of the panic over swine fever.

The are worried that sales of pork will be hit because of the names "Swine Flu" and "Pig fever" given to the killer influenza-type virus that has spread out of Mexico

When fears were raised over bird 'flu last year sales of chicken and other poultry were seriously affected.

Now farmers fear pork, bacon and other products could suffer the same fate despite the fact that the illness has no connection with eating pig meat.

Some Twats Never Learn. Sion Simon Apologises for Susan Boyle Slur

click pic for story

Sion Simon, a Labour MP, was prompted to apologise after joking on Twitter that Susan Boyle, the Britain's Got Talent singer, may have somehow caused the swine flu outbreak.

On Monday at 12.55pm he posted: "I'm not saying Susan Boyle causes swine flu. I'm just saying nobody had swine flu, she sang on tv, people got swine flu."

Sion Simon, Minister In Need of Further Education.

Labour MPs were aghast. 'It's infantile, isn't it,' one says. 'Hasn't he got enough to do?'

For Simon, the minister for further education, was posting what he thought was a witty aside on the crisis just as it was confirmed a 12-year-old Devon girl had contracted the virus.

In 2006, he posted a spoof of David Cameron's video blog on YouTube, in which, pretending to be Cameron, he offered people one of his children and the opportunity to sleep with his wife.
He was heavily criticised at the time.

Wednesday 29 April 2009

The Writing Is On The Wall for Gordon.

More Than 30,000 people have taken the time to sign a petition requesting your absence.

Joanna Lumley, The Liberal Party and The Conservative Party have given you and your bunch a thorough drubbing.

Can you hear the voices now?

How much louder do they have to get before you hear them through your fingers in your ears?

It only gets worse from now on.

Resign is Number One but Not with Number 10

Retirement Present For Gordoom.

Safer than Monopoly as far as Nokias and printers are concerned.

Available here and here

Makes a much better gift than a load of unwatchable DVDs.

Saviour of The Universe.

Our superphallicmandymunchingtotallyunconscious
Prime Monster reckons "The UK is one of the best prepared countries to deal with swine flu and "all action necessary" will be taken to stop its spread."
Leg Iron has a better take on the Gov's bollox
Be afraid, be very afraid.

Tuesday 28 April 2009

Home Office Has Form on Phorm

The Home Office has been accused of colluding with online ad firm Phorm on "informal guidance" to the public on whether the company's service is legal. 

E-mails between the ministry and Phorm show the department asking if the firm would be "comforted" by its position. 

Home Office e-mail to Phorm:

"If we agree this, and this becomes our position do you think your clients and their prospective partners will be comforted" 

The messages show Phorm making changes to the guidance sought by the ministry. 

In an e-mail dated August 2007, an unnamed Home Office official wrote to Phorm's legal representative and said: "My personal view accords with yours, that even if it is "interception", which I am doubtful of, it is lawfully authorised under section 3 by virtue of the user's consent obtained in signing up to the ISPs terms and conditions.

In an e-mail dated 22 January 2008, a Home Office official wrote again to Phorm and said: "I should be grateful if you would review the attached document, and let me know what you think."

Lib Dem Home Affairs spokeswoman Baroness Sue Miller, who has questioned the Home Office about Phorm, said the e-mails were "jaw dropping". 

UK prepared for swine flu - Brown.

The UK is one of the best prepared countries to deal with swine flu and "all action necessary" will be taken to stop its spread, Gordon Brown has said. 

You said that about the economy and the recession you bastard. No one believes you.

The prime minister said he would take part in a meeting of the government's emergency committee Cobra later.

Jonah event on the horizon.

And stop picking your nose, you disgusting little oik. It spreads disease.

International FO&MYOB Day

Martillo, in the comments at CiF, suggested that we have a "Fuck Off and Mind Your Own Business Day." I can't organize a National holiday, but I can do a quick pic for the T shirt!

Just a thought like.
H/T Mr Eugenides

Outbreak Quote of The Day.

Leg Iron:

Remember who's running this country. It's the same lot who had foot and mouth 'under control', let it spread throughout the country and when it was all over, they let it loose again. The same lot who inspired the comeback tour of tuberculosis. The ones who thought it logical to put more infectious diseases inside hospitals than outside them. Every other country might stamp on this disease straight away, but Labour will cherish it and provide it with free accommodation and benefits, subsidised travel and viral rights. As with all the others. To Labour, even a virus is more important than the population of this country.

Go read the rest of the post on his blog

Monday 27 April 2009

Arsetrological Outlook For Jacqboots

Jacqboots Scraps State Email Database Plan.

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith today ditched plans for a giant Government database tracking all emails, phone calls and internet activity.

Ms Smith said a central store of electronic data was an "extreme" solution and would have undermined privacy.

Liberal Democrat home affairs spokesman Chris Huhne said: "I am pleased that the Government has climbed down from the 'Big Brother' plan for a centralised database of all our emails and phone calls.

"However, any legislation that requires individual communications providers to keep data on who called whom and when will need strong safeguards on access."

"It is simply not that easy to separate the bare details of a call from its content. What if a leading business person is ringing Alcoholics Anonymous, or a politician's partner is arranging to hire a porn video?"

Dan Hannan's Newest Video.

Hat tip to Douglas Carswell and Tory Bear

Tracking the Outbreak.

Click image for detail.

The real map is on Dizzy's blog
Meanwhile Old Bag may have a remedy for normal everyday folk. Shame it doesn't work for Troughers!

Sunday 26 April 2009

Gordon Leaves Number 10 in His New Jacket

Nurse says I shouldn't have shouted at Dave and Nick, but not to worry as, she has arranged a special visit to a farm! I like farmies. We're having kippers for tea you know. I think the sweeties nurse gave me were off, 'cos I feel a bit sick now.

Saturday 25 April 2009

Michael Caine Ain't Happy

From The Daily Telegraph
"Brown's never been elected by anybody. I'm supposed to be in a country where I get the chance to elect someone and I'm around here at the most dangerous of times led by a man who's never been elected. You've gotta be elected."

H/T Daily Referendum

No Labour

Resign Now.
The whole lot of you.

Legal Bill Leads to Suicide.

Housing campaigner committed suicide after receiving a £3,000 legal bill from Hazel Blears

Neil Hill, who had challenged a rent rise for hundreds of tenants, e-mailed the Treasury solicitors saying: 'By the time you receive this I will be dead, having committed suicide. I hope you feel very proud of yourselves.

'Before you send another poor old person a bill for £3,000 please think of the consequences.

'Perhaps you'd like to explain to my family why I can no longer cope and what your position was in ending my life.'

He then hanged himself.

Although the e-mail was sent last Saturday - April 18 - Treasury solicitors did not alert Greater Manchester Police until three days later.

Thursday 23 April 2009

The Ultimate Trainwreck.


Long Live St. George's Day

The Denial Party.

Denial is a defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence. The subject may deny the reality of the unpleasant fact altogether (simple denial), admit the fact but deny its seriousness (minimisation) or admit both the fact and seriousness but deny responsibility (transference). The concept of denial is particularly important to the study of addiction. The theory of denial was first researched seriously by Anna Freud. She classified denial as a mechanism of the immature mind, because it conflicts with the ability to learn from and cope with reality.

The Institute for Fiscal Studies said that, when investment was taken into account, the Budget would mean a 0.1% real terms decline in public spending.

By 2017/18 the cost per family to bring the Budget back into balance would be £2,840, it added.

Downing Street disputed the figure, saying it was "not entirely clear" how it had been calculated.

But the Conservatives said the IFS calculations amounted to a "secret tax bombshell" of £1,430 a year for every family.

St George's Day, time to slay the Socialist Dragon.

Wednesday 22 April 2009

Support The Squids

Mummy Long Legs is angry at the badger browed prick. She is sending her "Squids" clothes to Gordon instead of a shirt. Get over to her blog and give her and her "Squids" some blogger love.
Fuck You Ali D, you didn't even stop at nicking candy from babies you utter, utter bastard.

Charlie Whelan's Colleagues Speak.

Just seen this.

The Shirt Off Your Back Campaign.

Old Holborn's Send Gordon The Shirt Off Your Back Campaign. The image nicked from Grumpy Old Twat says it all.

Chancellor's Arsetrological Outlook.

Asylum UK

Pic goes big if clicked.

I hate Jacqui Smith tells it like it is.

Ed Balls.

Guido has the story here.

Tuesday 21 April 2009

Labour's Only Hope.

Comment seen on Polly Twaddles latest column:

New Labour can win a fourth historic term, if we all just close our eyes tightly, hold hands and click our heels together three times and wish upon a star.

They can, they can, they can!

Now, if we can just persuade Judy Garland and Micky Rooney to put on a show, the election is in the bag

H/T Tim Worstall

Arsetrological Outlook for Brown.

clicky image to read text

Sunday 19 April 2009

Guido Ignores The Gov's Line on Silence.

Red Rag Who knew?

Meanwhile Mandys Having Nun of It.

A line has been drawn under the affair.

Labour, Nothing To Say?

Mandy says shut up and let us get on with screwing the electorate.

And Jacqui Smith is still a Cunt, just with nothing to say. About anything.

Except Hillsborough, because she wasn't asked.

Don't ask about expenses or porn or Damian Green.

She's got Nothing to say, Nada, No Comment.

New Award for Labour.

Sorry Gord, your lot really don't deserve to have Blue Plaques.

Is This The End of Labour?

Apparently, Guido has a something up his sleeve for you tomorrow Gordon

Don't bother sending us a postcard. After all, we won't be wishing you were here.

Friday 17 April 2009

More Awkward Questions For Smith on Monday?

You really are taking the piss now aren't you?

That conflagration in your pants must be getting hotter by the minute.

Start squealing little piggies.

Jacqui Smith Is A Cunt!

Jacqui, seriously, you are the most cuntiest cunt that those cunts in westcuntminster have ever cum across.

Old Holborn wants you to swear at Jacqui

Guido, Following The Tradition of Muckraking.

Guido Fawkes Modern Day Muckraker

A muckraker is an individual who seeks to expose or reveal the real or apparent corruption of businesses or governments to the public. The term originates from members of the Progressive movement in America who wanted to expose the corruption and scandals in government and business. Muckrakers often wrote about impoverished people and took aim at the established institutions of society
The term was coined by President Theodore Roosevelt in a speech in 1906.
He said: "In BunyansPilgrim's Progress you may recall the description of the Man with the Muck-rake, the man who could look no way but downward with the muck-rake in his hands; Who was offered a celestial crown for his muck-rake, but who would neither look up nor regard the crown he was offered, but continued to rake to himself the filth of the floor."
Roosevelt also said: "I hail as a benefactor every writer or speaker, every man who, on the platform or in book, magazine, or newspaper, with merciless severity makes such attack, provided always that he in turn remembers that that attack is of use only if it is absolutely truthful."
Muckraking subsequently became the term used to describe investigative journalists.
Guido Fawkes has taken on the mantle of Muckracker after the baton was dropped by elements of the MSM.

Jacqboots is in for a Kicking.

From The Smellygraph

Gordon Brown is expected to move Jacqui Smith in a reshuffle, possibly in June in the wake of what are expected to be disastrous European and local election results. Alan Johnson, the Health Secretary, or James Purnell, the Work and Pensions Secretary, are favourites to replace her at the Home Office. 

Allies of the Home Secretary said last night that she appeared to be increasingly vulnerable and could be moved to another Government role. 

A Labour source said: "When you look at the issues she's been involved in, it is not looking good. It is understood that she would not be removed from Government, but shifted to a lesser department."

To add to the pressure, Miss Smith faces a daunting series of statements in the Commons on Monday.

Thursday 16 April 2009

I Had A Vision Of Blears When I Read This!

I never dreamed that slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential
neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect. I was on
Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As
I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and
tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me.

It was a squirrel and must have been trying to run across the road when it
encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to
brake or avoid it -- it was that close! . I hate to run over animals, and I
really hate it on a motorcycle; but a squirrel should pose no danger to me.

I barely had time to brace for the impact. Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels,
I discovered, can take care of themselves!

Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his
hind legs and facing my oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his beady
little eyes. His mouth opened; and at the last possible second, he screamed and
leapt! I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, "Bonzai!" or maybe, "Die
you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!" The leap was nothing short of spectacular. He
shot straight up, flew over my windshield, and impacted me squarely in the
chest. Instantly, he set upon me. If I did not know better, I would have sworn
he brought 20 of his little buddies along for the attack. Snarling, hissing, and
tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a
light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans, this was a bit of a cause for
concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!

Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a
T-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 25 mph down a quiet residential
street, and in the fight of his life with a squirrel.

And losing...

I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to
snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of
the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw. That
should have done it. The matter should have ended right there.

It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely
kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one
would have been the wiser. But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even
an ordinary angry squirrel. This was an EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH!

Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands; and, with the
force of the throw, swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing
impact, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his rather antisocial and
extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with
him! The situation was not improved. Not improved at all. His attacks were
continuing, and now I could not reach him. I was startled, to say the least. The
combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand)
on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through
my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of! a
Valkyrie can only have one result.


This is what the Valkyrie is made for; and she is very, very good at it. The
engine roared, and the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in
anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in - well, I just plain

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a
slightly squirrel-torn t-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, and roaring at
maybe 50 mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street on one
wheel, with a demonic squirrel of death on his back.

The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.

With the sudden acceleration, I was forced to put my other hand back on the
handlebars and try to get control of the bike.

This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices; but I really did not
want to crash into somebody's tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet
figured out how to release the throttle. My brain was just simply overloaded. I
did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little effect against the massive
power of the big cruiser.

About this time, the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention
to this very serious battle (maybe he was an evil mutant NAZI attack squirrel of
death); and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet with me.
As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure
my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the squirrel, however.
The RPMs on the Dragon maxed out (since I was not bothering with shifting at the
moment); so her front end started to drop.

Now, picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a
very raggedly torn T-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, roaring at probably
80 mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel's tail sticking out of
the mostly closed full-face helmet. By now, the screams are probably getting a
little hoarse.

Finally, I got the upper hand. I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out
of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked
- sort of.

Spectacularly sort of to speak.

Picture a new scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a
quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork.
Suddenly, a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a
torn T-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing only one leather glove, moving
at probably 80 mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by, and with
all his strength throw! was a live squirrel grenade directly into your police

I heard screams.

They weren't mine.

I managed to get the big motorcycle under control and dropped the front wheel to
the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire
smoke at the stop sign of a busy cross street. I would have returned to 'fess up
(and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really. Except for two things.

First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me
at the moment. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car
were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a
crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop
who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, aiming a riot
shotgun at his own police car.

So, the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to "let the
professionals handle it" anyway.

That was one thing. The other?

Well, I could clearly see shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery from
the back seat. But I could also swear I saw the squirrel in the back window,
shaking his little fist at me. That is one dangerous squirrel. And now he has a
patrol car. A somewhat shredded patrol car, but it was all his.

I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn off of
Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood.

Whelan Claims He was Hacked.

Click Image for Comments on Charlie's Nightmare.
He is considering asking the police to intervene after
his golf and fishing were ruined by "Tory Hackers."

Brown Accused of Spinning Apology.

Damian Green and Chris Galley Cleared.

Shadow immigration minister, Damian Green, will not face charges in leaks row

Damian Green, the Conservative immigration spokesman, will not be charged in relation to his involvement in the leaking of information from the Home Office, it was announced today.

The announcement from the Crown Prosecution Service ends an ordeal that began in 2008 when Green was arrested and held on suspicion of collaborating with Christopher Galley, to leak information  to the Tories.

Galley will not face any charges either.

A spokesman for Green said that the MP was "delighted with the announcement".

"The police need now to learn the lessons from their operation. There was no necessity to arrest Mr Green, he should have been asked to attend the police station voluntarily. No credible reason has been advanced for the covert tape recording of him from arrest to arrival at the police station, and then failing to reveal this to him and me.

"The police themselves have now referred this to the surveillance commissioner. The search of his parliamentary office in the way it took place was highly questionable and no proper regard was given to issues of parliamentary privilege.

Today's decision is embarrassing for Jacqui Smith, the home secretary, whose department decided to call in the police after an internal inquiry failed to find the source of more than 20 leaks.

That move was criticised by the Commons home affairs committee today, which said in a report that government officials had given "an exaggerated impression of the damage done by the leaks" in a letter asking the police to intervene.

The MPs said there was a "clear mismatch" between the contents of the letter and the description of the leaks provided by the Home Office's top civil servant, Sir David Normington. 

Sir David told the committee "at least one" of the leaks had raised issues of national security but most had not and that one was "not the significant factor" in seeking police help.

Green has always insisted that, in releasing leaked information to the media, he was merely doing his job as an opposition MP in holding the government to account.

But there's no one to check

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